


Good As Hell

by sparrowsmateforlife



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, I can't believe I'm writing twilight fanfic in the year of our lord 2019, Mostly Fluff, because have you seen booboo with long hair? yeah that's why, here we are folks, i don't adhere to the short hair means short fur thing, meaning seth looks his age, they're all grown up, this is going to be sweet i promise, to be clear seth is 25 in this fic, very little angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-24 00:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18560659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowsmateforlife/pseuds/sparrowsmateforlife
Summary: Cheated on by her white douchebag of an ex and sick of her shitty job, 24-year old Hana Young moves to La Push to be an English teacher. She expects to find some peace and quiet and time for herself, but what she finds is a big-ass wolf with a smile that makes her want to run, a body that makes her want to scream, and a personality that makes her want to stay.As his eyes crossed mine from across the campfire, the sound of the laughter around me dimmed and time seemed to slow down. A strange, warm feeling took resident high in my chest and low in my belly. I watched the shadow of the flames flicker over his chest and his absurdly handsome face that was partly obscured by his gorgeously long dark hair. I swallowed once, not quite sure of what was happening to me but feeling the undeniable urge to cross the circle and sit in his lap, to smell his neck and hide in his arms.I wrote this because there's this odd thing where people either write Seth completely oversexualised while he's like, 15 in canon, or as an innocent baby. I hope I reached a good middle ground here. He's 25, all of the characters are adults.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Setting: About 10 years after Breaking Dawn. Seth is 25 here, Hana is 24. The pack all still look about 25 (which means that Seth looks like Booboo does now at 25, not as he did in the movies), no new wolves have been turning since the Cullens left five years ago, taking Jacob with them. Seth and Leah have joined Sam’s pack again since that development. 
> 
> The whole “their hair is short so their fur isn’t shaggy” thing is stupid and Seth has long hair like Booboo does because so help me god, look at him.
> 
> This won't be any strange kind of dark!Seth sexualised story, just to be clear! He'll still be sweet and goofy and all that, I just think he'd mature as any boy would and have... hormones... like all of them.

“I don’t _want_ to stay here.”

My mom looked at me as if I had just slapped her. This was the third time in as many days that we had fought about my decision to move to La Push – which she refused to understand or support.

Seeing the hurt expression on her face, I backtracked a little. “Look, the job I got is exactly what I’ve wanted for two years. I’m sick of being a barista, I want to teach. You know Mrs Lano isn’t retiring for another five years, right? Emily got me this job, mom. I have to go.”

Mrs Lano was the English teacher at the Makah reservation where I had lived all of my life, except for the four years I’d been in college to become a teacher. I had genuinely never expected to return home after college, but when my dad decided to up and leave my mom, I did so without question. Two years and a new boyfriend for my mom later, however, I was still working in the tiny Makah high school as a secretary. There was only one English teacher needed and when my cousin Emily offered me a job at the school she worked at in La Push, I just didn’t think twice.

My mom shook her head slowly. “I just don’t think La Push is safe for you, Hana. Have you seen Emily’s scars?”

I sighed, annoyed now. I was a grown-ass woman. “I’ll make sure I avoid the bears, mom.”

“Sweetie… Are you sure this isn’t about Jamie?”

I fought to keep all emotions off my face, although I was ready to either hurl insults at her or start crying. “No mom, it’s not about Jamie. There are other things that I find important in life, you know.”

“Darling, it’s just you’ve been so upset since the break-up and…”

I didn’t let her finish, speaking over the second part of her sentence loudly. “So yeah, Emily and Sam are picking me up tomorrow afternoon. I’m going to pack.” And with that I stormed upstairs.

As soon as I entered my room I shook my head to clear it. I had postponed packing ever since I knew I’d be moving, mostly because I didn’t want to go through the emotional process of throwing everything that reminded me of Jamie into the garbage. Jamie had been my first ever “boyfriend”, a white man I met going out in a nearby town one night. He was the first guy that ever looked at me twice, and when he pushed his tongue into my mouth I mistook it for love. He’d clearly never cared about me more than as someone who was there to fuck when he couldn’t find anyone else, as I’d found out a month ago that he’d been cheating on me since the beginning. 

I understood my mom’s worries. For the first two weeks, I’d called in sick to work and had hardly gotten out of bed. That’s when I got the call from Emily, telling me there was an opening for an English teacher in La Push and since the school board preferred native teachers, the job was mine if I wanted it. And honestly, although I had been hoping for such a job for two years, my first thought was that moving to La Push would get me away from Jamie and my embarrassment. I accepted immediately, and made arrangements to move at the beginning of the summer holidays so that I’d have time to get to know the place (and so that I’d have no chance of running into Jamie at all).

With a sigh, I opened my closet, ready to just about burn the shirts of his I know I would find.

 

***

 

As soon as I heard the truck stop in front of our house, I ran outside to hug Emily.

“I missed you so much!” I whispered, as I held her close. “You too, Hana”, she sighed, as she squeezed me tighter. 

It felt great to finally hold my cousin in my arms again. We’d been close since we were kids, but I didn’t see her nearly enough now that she’d moved to La Push and found true love – engaged, pregnant, surrogate mother to five hundred twenty year-olds if her stories were to be believed. Because of college, working there full-time over the summer to pay my debt, and now taking care of my mom every day and being too absorbed by Jamie to open my damn eyes, I’d never visited her in La Push.

“You are Hana, I presume”, a deep voice said from somewhere behind us. I looked up and felt my own eyes widen.

Emily and I facetimed weekly, and so I had seen her husband over the phone quite a few times as he seemed incapable of not kissing her for longer than five minutes. Nevertheless, I was slightly shocked to meet the giant, muscular, half-naked (why?) man she called Sam. He shook my hand politely, introducing himself, and then offered to get my bags from the house.

As soon as he’d disappeared through the open door, I turned to Emily and whispered, “Well done”, with a nod towards the retreating figure of her fiancé. She blushed a little, letting a hand fall down to her slight baby-bump. “Yeah, he’s something”, she murmured, somehow still star-struck after all these years.

I strangled the jealous voice in my head that screamed it wasn’t fair, and instead gave her another hug.  

As Sam returned, carrying _all_ of my bags in one hand, my mom appeared in the doorway as well. I sighed, and Emily was wise enough to say, “Hello Angie! We’re going to wait in the car”, before leaving us alone.

My mom looked at me, and I could see she was putting up a brave face. I tried to say something, but she held up a hand to stop me. “I know what you’re going to say, Hana. It’s fine, I know you’re an adult and you need to find your own way. I wanted to say thank you for coming home when I needed it. I know it wasn’t what you wanted, but you did so anyway and that isn’t a child’s job.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but she put her hand up again. “Don’t protest. I’m just worried about you, but I know you need to do this. I’m going to miss you.”

As I didn’t know what to say, I just hugged her. “I’ll call you every week.” My mom nodded and gave me a brave smile. I smiled, turned around, got in the car, and said goodbye to my hometown.

 

***

 

During the one hour drive to La Push, Emily and I caught up, Sam chiming in sometimes to express how very good Emily was a being pregnant, being a fiancé, and being a human being in general. It was cute, really, how in love he clearly was with her. I wasn’t jealous at all, nope, not even a little bit.

“So…”, Emily began, a little hesitant, “Have you heard from Jamie?” Emily was the only one who knew the full extent of what had happened between us, and even she didn’t know that he’d actually cheated on me more than once.

I chuckled without humour. “Yeah, he calls me about once a day, leaving voicemails that vary from ‘I love you and I’m so sorry’ to ‘you slut’ to ‘you will never find anyone else’ so that’s always fun.”

Emily turned around so she was facing me, a frown on her face. “You know that’s not true, right?" 

I shrugged. “I guess.”

Sam shook his head from the driver’s seat. “You know you deserve better, right? That white boy doesn’t deserve to even look at you.”

I was surprised by how fiercely he said the words. I smiled at him through the rear-view mirror. “Thanks, Sam.” If only I believed him, that’d be aces.

 

***

 

The house Emily and Sam shared was way bigger than I’d imagined, with a large garden and a huge kitchen slash living room. In that living room, three guys of about Sam’s build were sleeping on the floor. As I raised my eyebrow at Emily, she smiled and said, “Sam’s very close with his friends. All of them pretty much live here. That’s Jared, Embry and Quil you see passed out before you.”

I nodded, silently wondering why three full-grown adults were asleep in the middle of the day, on the floor, but I decided to save that question for another day.

“Thanks for letting me stay here, Emily. I promise I’ll look for a place as soon as I can.”

Emily smiled. “Don’t worry about it. There’s always room for one more person in this house!”

Sam returned from somewhere upstairs. “I put your bags in your room, Hana. I’ll show you the bathroom in a bit. Do you want some coffee?”

“Yes please”, I answered, smiling thankfully.

“Me too, Sam”, a gruffy voice from the living room shouted, followed by two more “me too’s” from the other two boys.

“Would you lazy asses come greet my cousin?” Emily scolded them, and the three guys got up to shake my hand, introducing themselves. They had very, very warm hands, and a part of my brain wondered for a second whether the reason they were sleeping on the floor was some sort of weird disease. The other part of my brain was busy processing the fact that I was surrounded by three very tall, very buff, very attractive La Push boys who were apparently over in this house _all the time_. Interesting.

“So, you’re Hana, right?” the boy called Jared asked me. I nodded, taking a cup of coffee from Sam.

“You coming to the bonfire?” Quil asked, with a quick glance at Sam. 

“Eh, I don’t know?” I said, looking at Emily.

“Of course she is”, Emily said, smiling, as she took my hand. In the corner of my eye, I saw Sam press his lips together a little, although his eyes remained kind.

I smiled. “Sure.”

Emily moved closer to me, whispering, "I've got a bottle of tequila saved for you. That'll make you forget about the douchebag." I grinned at her, nodding. That _would_ help me forget about him, quite literally.

“Okay guys, we need to go… work,” Sam said, trailing off vaguely. The three stood up straight, nodded, and followed him outside. Odd, I thought, but before I could ask Emily what just happened, a more pressing question appeared in my mind.

“So, are all of Sam’s friends underwear models, or what?”

 


	2. 2.

What does one wear to a bonfire on the beach in July in La Push? Especially when hanging out with a bunch of guys who only seem to wear shirts and jogging pants on any given day? I don’t know, which is why I’m asking.

I’d been staring at my new closet, which I had haphazardly filled with my clothes, for about fifteen minutes. Clearly no shorts or short-sleeved t-shirts (seriously Sam, put on a sweater), but other than that I just wasn’t sure.

“Hana, we’re leaving soon!” Emily yelled up at me from the bottom of the stairs.

“Coming!” I yelled, pulling out a pair of leggings and a long-sleeve. It’s not like I was going there to win a modelling contest. Assuming it might very well start raining – the sun certainly wasn’t shining, although it wasn’t quite cold either – I decided against mascara and grabbed my raincoat on the way out.

A few tall broad guys, some of whom I had not met yet, stood in the kitchen, carrying trays containing multiple kinds of meat and sausages. Unexpectedly, there were some girls present as well. As Emily was introducing all of them to me, a girl I recognised from pictures entered the room, hand-in-hand with another girl. Emily smiled even more broadly when she spotted them. “Hana, this is Leah, my cousin, and her girlfriend Mia!" 

I smiled broadly, moving to shake Leah and Mia’s hands. “I have heard so much about you!” As I was related to Emily via our mothers, and Leah and Emily were related via their fathers, we had actually never met before.

Leah smiled back at me, kindly. “Likewise!” She then addressed the rest of the room: “Seth, Quil and Sam are getting the fire going, so we should probably head down there before they start to feel too lonely.”

“Let’s go!” the youngest girl in the room, who’d been introduced to me as Claire, said, blushing and jumping off her chair slightly more enthusiastically than necessary.

“Someone has a cruuuuuush”, Embry sing-songed at her, leading the way outside. Claire immediately followed him, whining, “do not!” as they went out the door. Everyone started following them.

“Can I carry anything?” I asked Kim and Emily, the only two people left in the room.

“Nah, let them do it. They need the chance to show off sometimes,” Kim said to me with a wink as Emily hooked her arm through mine. She nodded, agreeing, “Try to take one of those trays from them, they’ll think you’re stealing their food.” I noted how maternally she spoke of them, as if all these huge guys were her children. I smiled, said, “I wouldn’t dare”, and with that we followed everyone towards the beach.

 

***

 

Once we got there night was already falling but there was indeed a small fire going. Instead of three, there were only two men tending to the bonfire. One of them was Sam, who came running over to Emily as soon as he spotted her as if they’d spent months apart. I remembered the other boy, Quil, from before. He was already spinning Claire around in the air as if they had just reunited in an airport. I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrows a bit at the age difference between them, but figured they must be siblings or something.

“Where’d my brother run off to?” Leah asked, a small frown visible between her eyes.

“He forgot the brownies your mom made at home, he just ran to get them”, Sam answered, still holding Emily close and running a hand over her belly. 

“How about we get this party started? I’m starving”, Paul shouted, startling me a bit. The girl that appeared to be his girlfriend, Rachel, slapped him on the arm and wanted to say something, but literally every guy on the beach grunted in agreement, so she closed her mouth again. Jared, Brady and Embry started pricking meat on sticks while Paul, Collin and Sam threw some more wood on the fire in an attempt to make it burn higher.

“Let’s just sit and be served for once, Emily”, Mia said, pulling her and Leah to go sit on one of the logs around the fire. Kim smiled at me and accompanied me to the log next to theirs, where we were soon joined by Jared, who kissed Kim’s cheek rather passionately.

As much as I already liked these folks, I did wish they would keep the PDA down a bit more. I was very glad that they all apparently thought the sun shone out of each other’s asses, but I was still very shook up from my break up and not quite ready to be surrounded by this kind of love. It wasn’t them, necessarily – seeing them so happy just reminded me once again of how stupid I’d been to think of what Jamie and I had as true love. What these people had, Sam and Emily, Leah and Mia, Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel, even Quil and Claire, was clearly something else.

I was shaken out of my masochistic thoughts by Emily passing me a stick of small sausages. “These are the vegetarian ones, Hana.” I smiled at her, thankful that she’d remembered I don’t eat meat.

“You… _don’t_ eat meat?” Collin asked me, a shocked look in his eyes. 

I laughed. “No, I don’t. No fish either.” He looked at me as if he’d never heard of vegetarians before.

“More for us!” Quil yelled, and started to roast his chicken in the fire. Tasty.

As I focussed on lowering my barbeque stick into the fire carefully, the mysterious Seth arrived.

“You guys started without me!” a husky voice yelled out. My head whipped around once I heard him as if of its own accord.

This boy was _beautiful_. There was no other word for it. While every La Push man I’d met so far had been handsome in a way, broad-shouldered and tall, Seth was something else. He had long black hair, a broad and defined face and a drop-dead gorgeous smile. He was barefooted under his baggy black sweatpants, and a tight grey shirt stretched over his clearly very muscled chest. In his arms – also very muscular, by the way – he was carrying two large tubs filled with brownies. I realised I was staring and quickly moved my eyes back to my sausages. I felt a blush slowly creeping up my chest, my entire body still hyper-aware of what Seth was doing.

“I’ll put the brownies down here, my mom made enough for an entire army!” he said, after which he went over to Quil to get some food and sat down on a log across from me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that he had not noticed me, as he seemed very hungry and fixated on his food.

For a while, conversation continued around me. I tried to join in talking to Leah and Emily about the baby, but could really only engage part of my brain. Most of it was taken up by trying very hard not to let my eyes wander off to Seth again. That honestly pissed me off a bit – he was just some guy, there were lots of guys here, and I did _not_ understand why I felt so drawn to him.

Suddenly, Rachel shouted at me from across the fire, “Yo, Hana, could I try one of your vegetarian sausages?”

Without thinking, I looked up, planning to look at her and shout an affirmative. Instead, Seth’s eyes caught mine from across the fire, and I forgot to breathe. The sound of the laughter around me dimmed and time seemed to slow down. A strange, warm feeling took resident high in my chest and low in my belly. I watched the shadow of the flames flicker over his chest and his absurdly handsome face that was partly obscured by his gorgeously long dark hair. I swallowed once, not quite sure of what was happening to me but feeling the undeniable urge to cross the circle and sit in his lap, to smell his neck and hide in his arms. I tried to shake myself out of it, but as my eyes crossed his again I could swear Seth felt the exact same way. 

 

***

 

**SETH**

Cursing himself for forgetting the brownies in the first place, Seth jogged back to the bonfire. He had a strange feeling in his chest that told him he had to hurry. He assumed it was the usual wolf-hunger, as he hadn’t eaten since lunch and he’d run three hours of patrol since then.

He could see everyone sitting around the campfire from afar, and for some reason his gut constricted. Odd. He decided to pay no attention to it, chalking it up to hunger again, and to distract himself he shouted, “You guys started without me!”

“I’ll put the brownies down here, my mom made enough for an entire army!” he said when he got to the circle of people, and as no one really paid him much attention, Seth went to get some food from Quil and sat down next to Rachel. Not really in the mood to talk, seeing as his stomach was still churning, he focussed on heating up the chicken on his barbecue stick, listening to the conversation around him.

From beside him, Rachel yelled across the fire at someone: “Yo, Hana, could I try one of your vegetarian sausages?”

Seth immediately felt like the rudest person in the Olympic Peninsula. Because of the whole brownie debacle he’d completely forgotten that Emily’s cousin was arriving in La Push today. She must have thought he was so callous, not greeting her at all. He looked up, intent on changing that.

As his eyes crossed those of the girl on the opposite side of the fire, Seth felt like the world stopped turning. The churning in his stomach intensified – clearly, it had been related to her the entire time. It instantly felt idiotic that he hadn’t known just a moment ago; it was obvious to him now, how everything in his world was related to and tied to this girl, Hana. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. Her face was broad, with gorgeous Makah features he’d seen before in Emily but had never truly appreciated till now. She had long black hair in two braids, which framed her gold earrings and the gold nose ring that accentuated her face. She was blushing, and her beautiful brown eyes were staring straight back at him. He wanted nothing more, had never wanted anything more in his life, than to get up and sit next to her and hold her hand and never stop looking at her.

At the same time a different, less innocent part of him became very present to Seth. He felt his pants get tight as the wolf inside of him growled, _mine_. That part of him couldn’t help but let his eyes rake over her body, noting with satisfaction that she was smaller than him, that his hands would engulf her, that he could easily throw her over his shoulder and carry her off.

Seth had always known that sex and sexual attraction were a big part of adult imprint relationships, as he was constantly in his brothers’ heads and often saw things he could never unsee. He hadn’t expected it to feel this primal, however. The wolf part of him wanted to do everything to her, take her any way possible, make her forget every man she’d ever as much as looked at as well as her own name. He wanted to _mark_ her, suck bruises into her neck so anyone who looked at her knew she was his. He wanted to leap across the fire, carry her far away from this place and never let anyone else look at her ever again. She was _his_ , the wolf insisted.

As excited as that part of him was, the other part of Seth’s brain was still utterly, innocently, fascinated with her. He wanted to know everything about her, to take her on long beach walks and then introduce her to his mom. He wanted to get down on one knee and ask her to marry him. He saw her shiver and was immediately concerned; was she cold? He should go and get her a hoodie of his ( _so she’d smell like him_ , the wolf growled) and hug her till she was warm again. Would she want him to? Would she even like him? What if she didn’t want to talk to him?

“Fuck it all to hell, Seth, not you too,” Brady suddenly groaned from somewhere to Seth’s right. “Can’t we have any new women coming to La Push without one of us going completely mental?”

Only then did Seth notice that everyone had gone quiet, the only sound the waves crashing on the beach and the crackling of the fire. Nevertheless, he still couldn’t take his eyes off Hana, who was visibly embarrassed by all the attention. When she finally looked down, blush high on her face, Seth was shaken from his reverie. Everyone was looking at him. He felt he should say something, but he had no idea what one says when they’ve just met the love of their life. Hey guys, don’t look at her or I might rip your throat out? Hi Hana, as it turns out we’re soulmates? Yeah, he couldn’t see either of those working out.

Thankfully Leah, his absolute favourite big sister, came to the rescue, shouting, “Who wants brownies? Why don’t you hand them out, Seth?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shorter than I'd hoped but don't fret! I hope to update again Monday at the latest.

~~~~This was weird right? I was pretty sure this was really fucking weird. I mean, Seth was objectively the hottest guy I’d seen in my entire life and he didn’t seem like a douchebag, but neither of that was a reason for my brain to just stop working when he looked into my eyes. Also, why did that kid Brady claim Seth had gone “mental”? And _why_ was everyone staring at me and Seth?

“Who wants brownies? Why don’t you hand them out, Seth?” Leah asked, attempting to break the tension. Although it was a transparent way to get out of the situation, I could have literally kissed her in gratitude.

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw how Seth nodded, mumbled something like “sure” and got up to get the brownies, which he started offering around the circle.

Although that had broken the awkwardness of Brady’s comment, everyone was now trying very hard not to look at me and started forcing conversation again.

I still had no idea what was going on. I could not for the life of me figure out why it felt physically near-impossible to stop my eyes from wandering off to Seth – and his shoulders, and arms, and legs, and butt – or why the tingling in my body changed to a clenching feeling when the boy in question and his brownies started to get closer to me.

When he offered some to his sister, the realisation shot through me that he was going to stand in front of me, talk to me and offer me a brownie in little more than a few seconds. I was not entirely sure my vocal cords worked anymore.

“Hi, eh, Hana is it? Do you want a brownie?” Seth asked. I dared to look at his face, and my “yes” got stuck in my throat as our eyes locked again.

I barely had time to contemplate how intensely beautiful his face was before Emily said, “You know what Seth? I’m going to talk to Rachel, why don’t you sit down here instead.” Before either of us could react Emily _winked at me_ and stood up, leaving the spot next to me empty. 

Seth looked around, a little nervously, then seemed to decide that the only thing left for him to do was sit down, which he did. As neither of us quite knew what to say for a minute, both looking straight ahead into the fire, my mind started racing a little. What if I’d completely misread him and he just found me to be a really, really weird new girl who wouldn’t stop staring at him? I’d interpreted his staring back at me as a positive reaction, but what if he was just wondering why the hell I was checking him out like that? Slightly panic-stricken, I blurted out, “So, do I get a brownie or not?”

I was already mentally scolding myself for being rude as fuck, but Seth immediately started nodding, almost unhinging his arm with how fast he reached for the box filled with cake. “That was so rude of me, I’m sorry, also I didn’t greet you when I got here, I’m sorry, I completely forgot you were arriving today, I’m Seth by the way, I don’t think I’ve said that yet, yeah, should’ve led with that probably”, he started rambling while he held the tub out towards me, “I mean, I know that your name is Hana and that you’re Emily’s cousin, which is funny because she’s also my cousin,” – a smile was slowly creeping onto my face as I noticed how nervous he clearly was to be talking to me – “but obviously we two aren’t related and eh… Shit, I’m not making much sense, am I?” Seth noted with an embarrassed smile. A faint blush crept up his cheeks, and as he looked down some of his hair obscured his eyes.

 “You’re fine”, I answered amusedly, and in an unexpected bout of spontaneity, I softly bumped my shoulder into his. The second our bodies touched felt like a jolt to my system. My chest tightened again, I felt what could only be described as butterflies in my stomach – not to mention the down-right shivery feeling I got in my groin. _Why_ was this guy affecting me so much?

That last thought quite literally flew out of my head when he tucked his hair back behind his ear, turned his face towards me and smiled. This was probably the first time in my life I felt turned on by someone’s _teeth_ , but here I was. To keep myself from saying (or doing) something entirely inappropriate, I took a bite from the brownie.

“This is like, really good,” I said, immediately taking another bite and holding down a moan of satisfaction. I didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but if I was going to continue being presented with this kind of perfect sweet treats, that might just have to change.

Seth smiled again – my heart felt as if it actually skipped a beat at that – and nodded. “My mom made them, but she used my recipe.” He sounded pretty proud at that.

“You bake?” I asked, kind of impressed. Seth nodded. “Yeah, and I enjoy cooking too, I just don’t always have the time.”

“I’m a complete disaster in the kitchen. In college I burned pasta about five times before I stopped trying”, I confessed, wanting to say just about anything to keep that smile on his face.

“I’ll have to cook for you some time”, he said, and as I felt a blush appear on my cheeks he reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear, not unlike he’d done with his own hair only a minute earlier. As his – very warm – fingers touched my ear, whatever response I could have come up with disappeared from my mind and a shudder went through my body. _Great,_ body, thanks, that’s just lovely. Not obvious or desperate at all.

  

**SETH POV**

As Seth was still mentally chiding himself for saying something as corny as “I’ll cook for you”, his hand seemed to reach out as if of its own volition to tuck Hana’s hair behind her ear – it had fallen in front of her face, which was unacceptable as he was already trying to come up with excuses to never have to stop looking at that face ever again.

The electric current he’d felt when she bumped his shoulder (his brain still screamed _she touched me first!!!!!_ when he thought of that) returned ten-fold when his fingers accidentally touched Hana’s ear. Seth couldn’t get over how heightened every sensation he felt had become since imprinting maybe fifteen minutes ago. His entire body felt different, as if his centre of gravity shifted somehow, as if every part of him now naturally gravitated towards Hana. Touching her skin awakened feelings in every part of Seth’s body – his hands tingled, his legs felt weak, his chest felt like it was contracted somehow… Not to mention he was really glad he wasn’t wearing tight trousers on this here fine night.

Seth let his hand drop again, not seeing any _reasonable_ way he could continue touching Hana’s ear, and immediately felt her shiver. Stupid wolf heat, he immediately thought –his warm skin had made her realise she was cold.

“You’re cold”, Seth said, dissatisfied. For some reason, that made her blush. He didn’t much mind – was too excited that he could make her blush to really care about the reason – and got up, saying, “I’ll get you a sweater.”

By the time he could hear her start to protest, Seth had already made his way over to a log outside of the circle where the pack had dropped their stuff when they were starting the fire. He was pretty sure he still had a hoodie somewhere in his backpack. Over the years, the pack had stopped walking around half-naked in freezing weather so they would draw less attention, and so when it was really cold out they had taken to wearing a jacket or sweater as well. As Seth took the black hoodie out of his backpack, he realised he’d worn it once already. He quickly sniffed it to make sure it didn’t smell like sweat before running back to Hana, very pleased he’d be able to offer her something warm.

It was only when he handed the piece of clothing to her and she pulled it on with a small smile that he realised just how much this would make her smell like him. Seth felt his groin get even tighter and quickly sat down in the hope of hiding how his pants were slowly starting to show his excitement. As much as the reasonable side of his brain was telling him to calm down and not scare her off, his inner wolf was almost drooling. _Mine_ , it growled, _mine_ , and now she was going to _smell like him_ and everyone would know.

“Thanks, Seth”, Hana whispered shyly. It hit Seth again how much he wanted to know every little thing about her. He had never been this fascinated with someone in his life.

“You’re here to teach at the school, right?” He asked, glad he remembered Leah telling him as much a week ago. 

Hana nodded as excitement took over her face. It was adorable. “Yeah, I was an administrator back at home but that was really just a job I took in hopes of one day getting an actual teaching position, so when Emily mentioned the La Push English teacher was retiring early I decided to take the opportunity!”

Seth had to smile at her enthusiasm. He could not really understand the appeal of the shitty high school he’d attended for four years of his life, but it was clear to see that Hana was a passionate teacher. Seth continued asking her questions, fascinated with her college experience, why she liked literature so much, what growing up on the Makah res was like. She was, easily, the most interesting person he had ever met. He had about a million questions to ask her, and although she blushed under his attention, she seemed glad to talk to him, asking some questions in return and comparing their upbringings.

As the night went on, Seth wished he could just close his eyes, lay his head in Hana’s lap and listen to her talk for the rest of his life. After they’d been talking for about two hours, when the fire was slowly dwindling and they could barely see each other any more in the dark, Seth had pretended to take another brownie just so he could press his leg and shoulder against her when he sat back down. At that, another shiver went through her body and Seth’s pulse picked up. They stayed pressed together, softly talking, for about another hour till Sam proclaimed it time to get some sleep.

Seth and Hana stood up, and their bodies seemed to naturally gravitate so they were again facing each other. “Thanks for tonight Seth, I really enjoyed the brownies”, she said, smiling up at him.

From the second they had stood next to each other and Seth saw how much smaller than him she truly was, his instincts had been screaming _protect!!!!_ at him with increasingly loud voices. He knew he couldn’t though, not yet. He did not want to scare her off with the intensity of his feelings – he would have enough scare things to tell her. This could wait.

So instead of scooping her up and hiding her away in his bed, Seth just smiled, answering, “I really enjoyed the company.”

Hana really blushed at that, looking down at her feet before looking back up at him. “Yeah. Me too.” With that, she started to take off Seth’s hoodie. 

 _No; it’s cold, she’ll be cold, also she needs to smell like you always_ , the wolf growled, and Seth quickly moved to stop her. “Please keep it. I’m over at Emily’s all the time, you can give it back whenever”, he reassured her. _Or never. Or wear nothing but the hoodie,_ the wolf insisted. Seth tried to ignore that part of him by giving her another smile.

Hana blushed again, but nodded, softly touching his arm before joining Emily and starting off towards the road. Seth looked at her till she disappeared into the darkness, uneasy that he was unable to walk her home. _Not yet._

It was only once he couldn’t see her silhouette anymore that Seth realised most of the pack, including Sam, had remained on the beach with him while all the girls had gone. Most of them looked pretty amused, Brady shaking his head full of fake disappointment.

Sam spoke first. “Dude. I think we need to have a talk.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess there's some mature content in this? It's mostly a filler chapter, sorry about that!

**SETH**

“Dude. I think we need to have a talk.”

Sam’s words gave Seth a bit of a start. He hadn’t expected him to sound as serious as he did. Sure, it had been four years since any of them had imprinted – Leah meeting Mia being the last and most unexpected case – but that didn’t mean that anything had changed recently.

Before he could say anything, though, Collin interjected, leading everyone to look at him in shock, “Seriously Seth, did you hear that she doesn’t eat meat? Isn’t that some kind of disorder?” As the pack started laughing and Jared hit Collin on the head playfully, most tension left Seth’s body again. No matter what Sam was talking about, he was sure the pack would have his back.

“Why don’t we phase, it’ll be faster,” Sam suggested, and all of them ran into the nearby forest.

The second they were all in wolf form, chaos erupted. Seth was still very much thinking about Hana, and the pack of course immediately heard.

 _Ew, Seth, keep it in your pants,_ Leah groaned. The sentiment was echoed by just about all of his brothers.

 _Dude, you know I can’t control it. It’s not like you can_ , he bit back at her, giving her a quick but thorough rundown of what he’d had to hear that very same night while sleeping under the same roof as her and Mia.

He could almost see the smirk on Leah’s face. _Yeah. Was a good night._

More groaning ensued until Sam ordered them to all chill it. _We’re not here to talk about everyone’s love life_ – the words ‘love life’ were a mistake, as every wolf with a mature imprint immediately got distracted. Embry, Quil, Collin and Brady seemed just about ready to phase back to escape from it all.

 _ENOUGH! Focus!_ Sam barked. _Seth, first of all, I’m very happy for you. I haven’t known Hana for long but Emily really loves her, and she seems like a very kind person._

 _Not to mention hot as fuck,_ Brady mentally added.

Where one second earlier Seth had still been glowing with pride at Sam’s positive assessment of Hana, he was now on top of Brady, teeth bared and ready to rip his head off if he didn’t stop thinking about her in that way.

 _Brady, shut up. Seth, calm down!_ Sam shouted, properly pissed off now. Jared and Paul pushed Seth off Brady, Paul laughing his ass off. _Feisty much, baby Seth._ That made Seth turn around and snarl at Paul before Brady, who hadn’t been around newly imprinted boy wolves before, made things worse: _Relax, Seth, you were literally just thinking about her yourself, you were the one who was obsessing about her bod–_

Sam had to throw himself in between Seth and Brady then, as Seth lunged at him again for the image that appeared in Brady’s head. His instincts were going berserk, not knowing who to attack next for thinking about Hana – which, as she was the topic of the conversation, they all were – and he had half a mind to just leave and run after Hana to ensure none of these boys ever got to look at her ever again.

 _Stop it, both of you_ , Sam ordered, using just enough of his alpha voice that both wolves had to lower their head and agree. 

Seth did, his insides still running rampant. It was starting to actually feel _painful_ to be away from Hana now. Did she get home safe? What if she was cold? He should’ve given her a thicker hoodie. He should’ve gone with her to keep her warm. What if she was attacked while walking home and he was just here, fighting idiot Brady while his person was in actual _danger_?

 _Seth, this is La Push. Calm the fuck down_ , Paul laughed, causing Seth to snarl at him again. These were _legitimate_ concerns, okay?

Quil spoke up, trying to get above the chatter. _Sam, could we get to the point? I promised Claire a movie marathon tonight._

More groaning ensued at that, and it took another two minutes before Sam finally ordered them to be quiet in a voice that none of them could disobey.

_Okay. Seth, as I said, I’m happy for you, but I have taken the circumstances into consideration and I think it is in the interest of the pack if you don’t tell her about us yet._

There was a second of stunned silence before everyone started speaking at once. Seth was too stunned to form coherent thoughts, but Leah spoke up. _Sam, have you lost your mind? He can’t_ not  _tell her, she’s his imprint! She has a right to know!_

Seth, still stunned, nodded his head, fury slowly building in his stomach. Not tell Hana? Did that mean not see her, not be around her, not getting to know her?

Sam addressed him directly. _Seth, I know this sounds harsh, but hear me out. I was going to tell you all this tomorrow, but when I was on patrol this morning I came across a vampire trail._

More stunned silence followed. It had been about three years since any vampire had crossed their lands.

 _I need all of you to be completely on guard all the time. It’s probably nothing, just a bloodsucker passing through, but until we are sure I need you all to be focussed. I need_ you  _to be focussed, Seth._  

 _Yes, because he’s going to be_ so  _focussed when he can’t be around his imprint without being able to tell her why_ , Leah snapped, Seth agreeing whole-heartedly.

 _Yes he will be_ , Sam said, alpha again. _His instincts to protect her are stronger now than they’ll ever be._

Seth whined. Sam was right, of course. His brain felt like it was in lock-down mode, only able to think about Hana and how any vampire in the immediate vicinity would surely hurt her. How anything and anyone in her life could hurt her. How he needed to _protect_ her. And nevertheless, remarkably, part of his brain yelled at him that he _needed_ her to know him first, and so he _needed_ to tell her. She _had_ to know.

Sam sounded sympathetic. _I know, Seth. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t make this decision if she was someone who was just travelling through, but she lives in my house. She has a full-time job here for the foreseeable future. She’s not going anywhere; you’ll have plenty of time to tell her after we’ve ensured there is no danger_.

Seth whined again. This wasn’t fair; all the other wolves had gotten to tell their imprints everything as soon as they wanted. Why did he have to wait?

Sam stood up to his full length, towering over him, sympathy gone and all alpha now. _Seth. I’m ordering you. You can’t tell her until I say so._

There was no choice but to obey, and as Seth involuntarily lowered his nose to the ground in agreement, he knew he’d have to find a good tree to punch and get his anger out before he’d be able to see Hana again.

 

 

**HANA**

I woke up the next morning, blinking confusedly as I realised that I had slept through the night for the first time since the break-up. I wondered for a second why I felt so hot and why I could feel throbbing between my legs, then remembered the dream I just woke up from. Embarrassment washed over me and I quickly untangled the sheets from my legs. I ran to the door, peeked outside and when I was sure the bathroom door was open, I hurried over to take a cold shower and _calm down_. 

As I stood underneath the water, I heard a bunch of male voices talking and laughing downstairs. I immediately wondered whether Seth was there, and the thought that he might be downstairs right now while I was in the shower, naked, pushed my dream back to the front of my mind. The details were already becoming a bit fuzzy, but I remembered a very warm body hovering over me, large hands on my body, the prettiest brown eyes boring into mine before Seth’s soft lips touched my neck. A shiver went through my body again. I sighed, realising my excitement would not go away by just ignoring it. Letting my left hand fall to my nipples, I guiltily used the showerhead to get myself off. I was still thoroughly turned on from my dream and it took me hardly a minute to reach the edge of orgasm. As I let my head fall back against the shower wall, helpless against the thoughts of the warm hands I’d felt in my dream, I heard a booming laugh come from downstairs. My brain registered excitedly that it was Seth’s voice, and before I could stop myself I came to the sound. I only just managed to bite my lip to keep from letting out a groan. 

It took me a few seconds to calm down, but once I did I immediately felt stupid and a little guilty. There was no good reason for this man to affect me in the way he did, I once again reasoned with myself as I started washing my hair. I mean, sure, Seth was objectively the most handsome person I had ever met. He was very kind, truly sweet, friends with my friends, and I didn’t think I’d ever talked to someone who seemed as genuinely interested in what I had to say. But all that aside, I’d literally known him for less than twenty-four hours. And yet here I was, rushing through my shower so I could go downstairs and possibly talk to him.

While brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror, assessing my face. I wasn’t breaking out at the moment, so that was good. My eyebrows had always been quite bushy, which I’d never minded until Jamie once said they looked man-ish. I’d never paid much attention to that and I hadn’t plucked them, but now I wondered whether Seth would think so as well. It had always been my firm resolve not to change my appearance for a boy, but I’d also never quite wanted anyone to find me attractive as much as right now. I contemplated for a second whether I should dry my hair. Wouldn’t I look sloppy walking into the kitchen like this?

 _No. Don’t do this_ , I told myself strictly. I wasn’t here to impress some guy. I was here to pick my life back up. And I would do so with bushy eyebrows and wet hair.

It was a lot warmer outside that morning than it had been the previous day, so I wore a comfy pair of grey shorts instead of sweatpants, deciding to wear another long sleeved shirt to compromise. I eyed Seth’s hoodie, debating whether or not to give it back yet. I decided I didn’t quite feel ready to part with it yet.

I took a deep breath at the top of the stairs, trying to school my expression into something neutral that didn’t say “I just masturbated to your voice in the shower after having a sex dream about you”.

“Good morning!” I said, as chipper as I could, when I arrived downstairs. The second I set foot in the kitchen my eyes zeroed in on Seth as if they were directed there by something other than my own brain. He was sitting with his back to me, his long hair in a loose braid, wearing a black shirt today.

As soon as I greeted them, Seth’s head swung around, smiling at me. My heart stuttered. “Morning, Hana”, he said happily, abandoning the conversation he’d been engaged in seconds earlier. He got crinkles next to his eyes with how broad his smile was, which was so adorable it was unfair. His voice was so much deeper than I’d remembered, and I felt a deep blush creep up my cheeks once I heard it.

“Would you like pancakes, Hana?” Emily asked, which is when I remembered Seth and I weren’t the only people in the room. Everyone was looking at us again.

“Yes please!” I said, a little too loudly. Emily smiled knowingly at me – I refused to even consider what it was that she thought she knew – and handed me a plate with two pancakes.

I looked at the table, seeing an empty chair in between Quil and Jared, and one in between Seth and Paul. _Here goes nothing_ , I thought, and sat down next to Seth.

“Did you sleep well?” The blush that had started to fade slightly flared back up when Seth smiled down at me again, a lot softer now, as if he truly cared. All I could think was, _I had a sex dream about you!!!!!!!!_ and so I quickly stuffed some pancake into my mouth while nodding, sure my entire face was now bright red.

This was going to be a hard morning to get through.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this long so you wouldn't hate me for taking forever to update! Is it working? is it?

**SETH**

 

Seth could really not get over her face. She was _so_ beautiful.

He felt like his whole body had been buzzing ever since he entered Sam’s house after his patrol around 7 am. Just knowing that Hana was asleep under the same roof was enough to improve Seth’s mood spectacularly. If he really strained his hearing, he could hear her breathe. Realising just how creepy that was, he’d soon stopped trying – it was just nice to know she was sleeping well, is all.

He’d run his patrol with Jared and Quil, who’d teased him about Hana from the second they started their run till the moment they’d gotten back. They’d alternated between reminding him of how stupid he’d looked all evening, looking at Hana with puppy eyes and stuttering around his words, and making fun of him for being whipped – which was really rich coming from the two of them, seeing as Jared had been planning his proposal for about three months now and Quil spent most of his evenings watching romantic comedies and speculating about whether One Direction would ever make an album again. Seth hadn’t really cared; as long as they were joking around about it, they couldn’t complain about how much he was thinking about Hana.

His insides tightened when he heard her get up and walk through her room (the house was old and the floorboards were creaky, so he didn’t feel like a snoop for hearing it). Seth tried really hard to keep his face neutral so his brothers wouldn’t notice just how excited he was to see Hana again, but that became a real struggle to keep up when he heard the shower run. 

“Wow Emily, these pancakes are really good!” he shouted, scraping his chair back as loudly as possible. He went to put a few more on his plate, desperate to keep his mind off Hana naked in the shower. See, it wasn’t really working, and he was pretty sure the guys knew exactly what he was trying to do, but he stubbornly started putting sugar and chocolate and jam on his various pancakes nonetheless, paying much more slow attention than at all necessary. Seth wasn’t thinking about the shower, and Hana, or Hana in the shower, or skin, or water on said skin, not at all, _nope_. Luckily Sam entered the room right when Seth ran out of condiments and started asking Jared and Quil about their patrol.

“We only came across one new trail, it was pretty far off too, beyond Makah, but then it sort of disappeared”, Jared said, a frown on its face.

“Yeah it was pretty odd how it just stopped completely, as if they just vanished into thin air”, Seth agreed around a bite of pancake.

“Maybe it was to avoid your disgusting chewing with your mouth open, mister”, Emily muttered, causing Seth to laugh out loud.

He swallowed before talking again. “Sorry Em. Just trying to convey my worries about disappearing vampires.”

“Should we call Jacob and ask him if Alice can see anything?” Quil suggested it hesitantly, aware of how the vampires Jacob now lived with were still a bit of a sore topic for Sam.

“Nah, that’d just worry him”, Paul proclaimed from the doorway, his arm around Rachel as they walked in. “We don’t want him to come running here all the way from Alaska.”

“Good morning to you too, Paul”, Quil answered, adding, “It’d be stupid not to do it though! Alice could just tell us if it wasn’t serious and then Jake wouldn’t have to run anywhere either.” 

As Sam, Jared, Paul and Quil started discussing the subject at length, Seth kept quiet and ate his pancakes. If he were in charge, he’d have called Alice last night. It made no sense to him not to, when their brother lived with her and she could just tell them what was going on.

That wasn’t the actual reason he wanted to call, though – the real reason was Jacob. It felt pathetic to Seth, that he missed him so much, that he actually often missed being in Jacob’s head on patrols. He tried so hard not to think about his time in Jacob’s pack, because he knew it saddened Sam. It didn’t even have anything to do with him not liking Sam as alpha – it’s just he liked Jacob _better_. As much as he understood Sam’s reasoning, he couldn’t help believing that Jake would have never ordered him not to tell his imprint about the whole wolf thing. Luckily Seth had had a lot of training, over the past five years, in not thinking “Jake would’ve done this” or “Jake would’ve said that” in reaction to every command Sam gave - otherwise he wouldn’t have known how to stop himself for screaming something to that effect at Sam last night.

Seth was shaken from his thoughts when everyone in the kitchen suddenly stopped talking for a split second, before shifting the conversation to the weather. He’d been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed when the shower shut off, or when Hana had crossed the hallway to the stairs. As he heard her descend, Seth became hyper-aware of the fact that there were somehow three half-eaten pancakes on his plate. He quickly wiped his mouth to make sure there were no traces of chocolate, kicking Quil beneath the table before he could snicker.

“Good morning everyone”, Hana said, her voice still a bit low from sleep. Seth couldn’t stop himself from immediately facing her. “Morning Hana,” he said, about to start panicking about how direct that was when she blushed slightly, smiling. 

As she went to get some pancakes as per Emily’s request, he just couldn’t not look at her. She was _so_ beautiful. She had the prettiest cheekbones, and he loved how she seemed to blush a lot around him – _yes_ he was smug about that, shut up. He hadn’t been brave enough to really look into her eyes for any prolonged period of time yet, but already they were the loveliest shade of brown he’d ever seen. Her long hair was still wet from the shower, the tips which went down to below her waist starting to dry slowly. Seth really wanted to run his hand through it, maybe make her bend her neck a little so he could kiss her there… He was shaken out of his reverie when she came over and sat down right next to him.

 _Next to me!!!!_ he wanted to shout at the other four men in the room, regardless of the fact that they were all taken. _She picked me!!!!_

Seth collected all of his bravado to start a conversation. “Did you sleep well?”

For some reason, Hana blushed scarlet at that, taking a really large bite of her pancakes before nodding.

 _Fascinating_. Seth had never really cared before, but now he wished he had vampire talents. If only he could read her mind.

He wasn’t quite sure what to say next, so they were quiet while Quil pulled up his phone, ready to settle the heated discussion that had developed between Jared and Paul about whether it would be sunny _all_ day, or only till noon. They had to be the most boring bunch of werewolves on the continent.

“Nope, it’s going to start raining around 1! Paul wins this one”, Quil decided, causing Paul to let out a deep victory cry. Rachel rolled her eyes, mumbling something about “my hero” before Paul grabbed her face and started kissing it all over.

Being around imprinted people 24/7, Seth was used to outrageous PDA. Hana, however, seemed to kind of shrink into herself when she saw it, eyes shifting to focus solely on the empty plate before her.

That was the first time Seth realised he would do anything in the world to keep that sadness off her face. Last night something very profound within him had shifted, and he now realised that there were plenty of emotions he hadn’t yet experienced – the crushing despair he felt right now, for example, because he didn’t know what was bothering Hana and therefore didn’t know how he could make it go away. His mind ran through a hundred scenarios at top speed – she didn’t like kissing, she didn’t like Paul, she didn’t like PDA, she didn’t like La Push, she didn’t like the pancakes, she wanted more pancakes, she was _hurt_ in some way – before Seth could stop it, only adding to his desperation. He didn’t know what to say or do to make her happy, but going with his instincts he somehow settled on, “Do you want to go for a beach walk? You know, before the sun disappears for the rest of the summer?”

Before he could truly berate himself for the question – why would she want to go on a walk with _him_ , they barely knew each other, what if he’d freaked her out – she looked at him, relief in her eyes as she answered, “Yes please.”

With that, Hana picked up both of their plates and started washing them in the sink. Stunned, Seth stared at her back for a few more seconds before a grin overtook his face. He slowly turned back to face his friends. Quil looked as if he was about to make a _very_ inappropriate joke, so Seth kicked his leg again before getting up and walking over to the sink as well.

 

 

**HANA**

 

I jumped a little as Seth appeared at my shoulder, taking the now clean plate from me and drying it. He stood a little closer to me than strictly necessary, the upper part of his arm just touching my shoulder. I was shocked again by how tall he was, and how _warm_. 

As I handed him the second plate, I could hear that Paul and Rachel were now full-on making out, and I was pretty sure I could also hear Sam murmuring something against Emily’s belly. I really hated that that made me sad.

Seth seemed to notice something was wrong, and softly bumped my shoulder. I looked up at him as he smiled – all sadness in me somehow lessened at that – and nodded his head towards the door questioningly. I nodded, grateful, and we both slipped out the door.

I was happy to notice that it _was_ very sunny and quite warm out, and that I wasn’t cold in my shorts. Seth and I set off towards the beach, him falling into step with my smaller ones easily. He again walked a little closer to me than strictly necessary, to the point where our hands brushed a few times. I didn’t mind. It was odd how natural it felt to be alone with him. Even though we’d only met the other night, I felt more at home while alone with Seth than I did in Emily’s house.

I caught him looking at me each time I couldn’t stop myself from glancing up at him, and he’d throw me one of those disarming smiles every time. Being this close to him somehow warmed me from the inside out, till all the sadness evaporated and my insides started constricting again, heart beating a little faster as I realised that we were the only people on the beach.

“Do you want to sit down a little?” Seth asked me as we passed a huge beached tree trunk. I nodded, ready to sit on the sand in front of it when Seth managed to jump on top of it easily, offering me his hand and pulling me up next to him. My heartbeat increased, even more, when his hand enveloped mine. _Really strong!!!_ my brain shouted at me, making my cheeks heat up again. 

We sat down facing each other, and Seth still hadn’t let go of my hand. I hoped he wouldn’t notice – I didn’t mind, and his freakishly hot body did well at warming up my cold hand. Seemingly reading my mind, Seth murmured, “Your hand’s really cold, let me warm it for you.” He was blushing as well now but he nevertheless held onto my hand, softly rubbing a circle into my palm with his thumb. I’d never felt anything that was so calming yet simultaneously made my entire body feel like it was on fire.

“Are you okay?” Seth asked suddenly, looking at me intently. “You seemed upset in the kitchen earlier.”

I grimaced. “I’m not overly fond of being around couples at the moment.”

Seth looked at me questioningly. I suddenly wanted to tell him everything, felt the need to share with a desperation that took me by surprise. I choked on the words, shaking my head as I answered instead, “It’s a really lame story, I… I don’t want to bore you with it.” Not to mention I didn’t want him to pity me, or worse, think I was naïve or stupid.

Seth frowned a little, absentmindedly taking my other hand in his. The hand he’d been holding before fell down on his leg. I made no move to put it elsewhere – his leg was _really_ warm as well – and Seth didn’t either. My stomach constricted again. 

“You don’t have to tell me, but nothing you tell me could ever bore me”, Seth said, an intensity in his voice I couldn’t quite place.

If I were a stronger person I would have shaken my head and insisted I was all good. In reality, I wanted to tell him so badly that the words just started spilling out. “I told you I moved here for the teaching job, and that’s true, but the true reason I moved here during the summer holidays is I’m running away from my failed love life.”

It was hard to read Seth’s reaction. His lips pinched together a little, but his thumb kept up the same rhythm on my palm, so I continued. “His name was Jamie. I met him about a year ago.” Seth slowly took hold of my other hand as well when I said that, and we were now full-on holding hands. I could feel a very slight tremor in his arms.

I took a deep breath, the words now rushing out as I looked at my hands in his, strangely comforted. “He hit on me in a bar and we slept together. I didn’t think it’d mean anything, didn’t really want it to, but he stayed the night and made breakfast in the morning and then we spent a day together and before I knew it I started to… like him. And he acted like he really liked me too, taking me out constantly, picking me up from work. We never really put a label on it, but I figured we didn’t need one.”

I swallowed. I hated telling this part. “Turns out I never meant shit to him. I found out a month ago that he’d been sleeping with other girls since the week we met.” 

Seth’s hands started shaking now. I looked up at him and saw an actual look of pain on his face. Although I didn’t quite get why he was so affected by my story, I felt deeply comforted by his reaction somehow – he didn’t think I was stupid, at least. Before I could think better of it, I freed one of my hands from his and brushed the hair from his face. I then softly touched his cheek in an attempt to make him smile again. His lips parted slightly, looking at me in wonder.

His hands weren’t shaking anymore. 

I put my hand back into his, staring at my lap and taking a deep breath to finish the story. “What follows is typically what follows, I guess. I confronted him, he claimed we weren’t committed to each other, a lot of crying on my part, a lot of indifference on his.” I looked back up at Seth then. He was staring at me intently, pained again. “I just wanted to move somewhere where I didn’t feel scared I’d run into him on my way to work.”

“This probably sounds like such a platitude, but you know he doesn’t deserve you, right?” Seth whispered, voice intense. I smiled a little. “That’s what everyone says, so I guess it must be true”, I answered, still not quite convinced.

Before I knew what was happening, Seth had enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. His whispered, “it _is_ true” almost got lost in my hair, but I caught it. I put my arms around him as well, slowly melting into the hug. I usually felt drained and pathetic after telling this story, but in Seth’s arms, I just felt warm.

After what felt like infinity, he let me go, taking hold of my hands again. It bothered me how serious he looked. “Now I’ve made you sad as well”, I murmured guiltily.

“Nah. I’m not sad – I’m with you”, Seth answered, and as I looked into his eyes it was impossible to think he was lying.

 

We spent a few more hours on the beach, walking, talking, laughing. At one point I poked him in the side after he’d made a really stupid joke about jellyfish, and as I discovered he was super ticklish we spent another ten minutes trying to tickle the other until I got the hiccups and he declared a cease-fire.

Around noon, the promised dark clouds started rolling in and we headed back to the house.

“Seth, bro, you’re already twenty minutes late. Sam is ready to kick your ass”, Brady mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes as we entered the kitchen, still laughing.

Seth’s eyes widened in shock. “Shit, I completely lost track of time.” He looked at me, conflict clear in his eyes. “Sorry Hana, I have to go... do… a thing… now.” Brady snickered in the background and Seth shot him a furious look. The younger boy quickly bent back over his plate.

Seth looked at me again, almost pained. He then suddenly kissed me on the forehead, softly, so quick I was still reeling when he pulled back. He stared into my eyes for a few seconds – I was blushing like crazy again – then smiled crookedly, his thumb softly caressing my cheek before he started walking backwards, only turning away from me when he reached the doorway. 

It took another fifteen minutes for the blush to leave my face.


End file.
